TESTING

My mood pretty much shifts from wanting to go back home to not wanting to go back home.  I've already thought of listing the reasons down earlier so I can cross and compare and help me decide what I would do in life. - I miss my family; when I look at our pictures, fun times, travels, just being at home and chatting with parents.  Fooling around with siblings.  It does rarely get sad.. When i'm down, all i need to do is that i'm home and my loved ones are all there - I miss my friends: different groups and different sets; it does make me feel a bit more relevant; and spending time with important people never feels like wasting time as I am happy. - I miss hanging out with friends at nights to drink and chill. - I miss singing with the choir and crew; harmonies we build and enjoying the presence of the people i am with -I miss the sea; diving is so much easier, surfing is another thing as well -Not having to worry about finding a house or doing what you want in the place you...

Despite all the struggles I've experienced a year ago, at this moment in time I would say I've been more 'useful' and 'effective' at making myself better and spending time outside work. Living in another country gives a lot of reason to stay home and rest especially when you're working more than the regular 8-9 hours shift.  I look at myself on this weekend and it's already full by default because of the numerous activities I do.  I end friday night playing uw hockey; reaching home and playing guitar and practicing on my keyboards.  Saturday, I will have dragonboat training in the morning, and volleyball in the afternoon, probably grab dinner right after.  On Sunday I have a deep pool session during the noontime then originally I was supposed to go for dragonboat training right after but have decided that I will join the BBQ session after deep pool session instead.   There goes my weekend and I'm happy about it. I am amazed with all that I can do and...

So i just came from an out of town trip back home. Again on this trip, i have realized how much I miss home and why I love home so much. Outside this, I find myself with a slightly different self living overseas. At home, i'm much more 'reserved' and overseas i am a no fear kind of guy. I also realized that in being these 2 type of personalities, i still have the same base principles that I live in. "Lord, thank you for this life. Thank you for home. Thank you for all. Please guide me and bless me with more blessings as I fly back on Sunday. Let the new project be a learning and a not so killer project for me. "

we don't control life. God does.  when something happens and winds change; we have no control and sometimes you really just have to experience pain and suffering.  I hate being weak and being in pain but sometimes you have to experience that to realize many things.  I am still in progress and I am really that motivated to move on and again be 'somebody' .  I want to be happy and not waste my time crying or being emotional but maybe God wants me to find myself in this state of mine. He wants me to suffer.  He wants me to feel weak. He wants me to be in the situation I am in. I have always been a selfless person (I think).  I want to please other people, I find happiness when i see other people happy because of me. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to find happiness with myself.  I'm not really sure how, because I do find material happiness not really lasting that long. God will give me something.    

For a life that's pretty uncertain right now, i realize that looking forward to "plans" will make me move or look forward. It's an ironic thing as originally the reason i was happy and looking forward was the uncertainty but now due to a broken heart then it is a totally different thing. June is the month to be back and look for myself and bring myself back. I may br in pain but i know i will be better July ia my recharge month despite going home just over the weekend. Family is the best August my bros in SG fun Sep malaysia w bros Oct going home again

so the process of breaking up is about learning, and growing from your mistakes.. 2 key information provided to me that became an 'issue' a. indecisiveness and being dependent - upon analysis, i attribute it to growing up in a culture wherein we rely to our parents on decisions. Usually they decide for us and they're the ones who always has to be followed. - This i believe is a growth and development trait that i can work on and have to work on.  Despite the harsh emotional troubles i'm going through; after all this, I know that i'll be a better person and I hope to bring my mojo back.   Given the situation on where I am, I really have no choice but to develop in this aspect b. forgetful - this is something that is pretty hard.  I know i'm smart, within the siblings i know i'm most capable to handle data on my head. And yet, genetically i'm the same with my parents.   really really bad memory. not even into details. - i guess i'll work on this as wel...